Fellowship Hikes

I have long held the belief that nature is to be enjoyed in the intimate presence of God. Mountain ranges, lakes, even a vast blue sky or one dazzled with stars is enhanced in beauty in the fragile hold of silence, while the clatter of words threatens to muddle it all. How can one concentration …

Increasing Entropy [1 Kings 5]

I, who believe by instinct in the positive correlation between effort and outcome, search desperately for the perfect bow to wrap each piece, and that bow simply doesn’t exist. I know. I keep searching anyways.

Lunch

I was sitting in the dimly lit basement of my grandma’s house. “Grandma, take your time!” I chirped cheerfully as I swung my legs from the dinner table chair, too short to be able to reach the ground. I was starving, but I was raised to never pressure or ask a host to serve me. My small hands were placed flat own on the tabletop, in disguised anticipation for the lunch my grandma was cooking for me.

We Hold Stones

Given the current events of Orlando and the death of Christina Grimmie, however, my heart has been increasingly burdened and increasingly broken. I want to speak, to offer comfort, to console, but I know that because I am Christian, my words may not be as readily or warmly received. I hesitate to tread on thin ice, and so does the Church – in the wake of Grimmie’s death, my Facebook feed was instantly flooded with public grievances for the loss of a fellow sister-in-Christ, yet in the wake of the massacre at Orlando, there was more silence. There is one passage that came to my mind as I was praying for the LGBTQ community and for the communities surrounding them, so instead, I will let the Lord speak, and as usual I will only step down as a messenger.

A Red Mark

In these moments I can find the gospel so much sweeter. I am a sinner, wholly undeserving of love. When I am tempted to think highly of myself, I am once again utterly shocked by the true extent of my horrible tendencies, as this story explored. Yet God's love manifested in grace is sufficient. It is sweet, it is wide, it is deep, and there is no one to whom it is denied.

Exhale

Today I heard my house breathing, a large exhale that shook me to my core. I felt its deep rumble as I lied on my back, allowing myself to sink slightly into the white mattress of my bed. Its silent hum held a melancholic weight against my ears, its reverberating pull tugged on the muscles of my lungs. Today I heard my house breathing, a large exhale that stole my own breath.

Forgetting Self-Care

It begins to swing open, and I hold my breath. He steps in from behind the door, and then He is before me. Everything about Him is gentle – the soft glow of His white robe is vibrant even when the light above me casts Him in the dark. I see Him, the way He stares at me, the way His hands slightly brush against the folds in His robe. I see Him, and He sees me, and I want to cower and hide, to button my blazer in vain or fold my arms.

Free To Wait

As I was praying, this scene came into my mind, and I wanted to document and share it. Let us spend this Saturday waiting in anticipation and hope. -- “What are you doing?” A voice approached me from behind, but I did not flinch. It rung of mockery despite feigned innocent curiosity. I heard his footsteps approaching me until he stopped beside me. Illuminating us was an eerie and dim gray light. A cold breeze swept my hair across my face, but I moved not to fix it. Instead I sat with my knees tucked closely to my chest, my eyes fixed at a point above and before me.

By Whom We’re Taught

“They are all senseless and foolish; they are taught by worthless wooden idols.” (Jeremiah 10:8) ----- “Will you disciple me?” I sat in my dining room table, shocked at the message on my computer screen. She was only a year younger than me, and we weren’t the closest of friends. The message was blinking, anxiously probing me to respond. “I would love to, but let me pray about it first,” I typed back. I spent the next two weeks trying to discern whether or not I should disciple her, whether or not we were compatible or whether this was within God’s will. In those two weeks a lot of doubts began to surface – doubts of inadequacy, fears of disobedience. I held back from responding to her in the midst of all the criticisms of myself that had suddenly bubbled out from my mind.

Desperately Wounded [Jeremiah 6]

“They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. ‘Peace, peace,’ they say, when there is no peace.” (Jeremiah 6:14) There is danger in ignoring our own wounds, in failing to recognize our own sicknesses. For me, it meant my body would have healed incorrectly, and my bone would have been permanently bent. The injury, the flaw, would have been permanent. My grip would have been tremendously weakened, and I would have lost strength. For Jerusalem, it meant a more terrifying wrath and imminent destruction from the north.